The Illogical Puppet Of Iran: Any Chance Of Getting The Little Guy A Better Script?

First, we learned to say and spell the puppet’s name: Armadinejad. Not exactly Smith. Then we watched him perform upon a crafty mullah’s knee. We have been patient, like any fair-minded audience, but the more we listen, the more we realize that the puppet has a script that just doesn’t make sense.

He raises one hand and, without the mullah appearing to move his own lips, practiced ventriloquist that he is, little Armadinejad threatens to “wipe Israel off the map” and blusters against anyone in the audience we disagrees with his absurdly unachievable goal. No sooner does he do that than he raises his other hand and announces that he has the right to nuclear technology but only for peaceful purposes.

The audience is finally beginning to lose patience with the nonsensical but dangerous show. Some members of the audience have become so alarmed that they’re stamping their feet and demanding a new script. A few have even said if they don’t get one they may decide to knock down the little puppet’s playhouse.

Poor little Armadinejad. We certainly wouldn’t want such a tragic thing to happen to him and just because he hasn’t been given a good script.

In fact, all he can say back to the threatening audience are dares based on fragmented variations of his nation’s name, as in “I ran? You ran? Who ran?”

So we must turn to the troupe of turbaned puppeteers who have provided the script. We assume that they’re allowing his illogical performance to continue because they think the survival of their anachronistic theocracy depends on demonizing the West and thereby distancing their own people from the truly beneficently revolutionary ideas that would upend their rule, generally, enlightenment, freedom, democracy, and a hot nightlife, where men and women actually go out together. And little Armadinejad is, with consistently provocative bravado, doing an extraordinary job for them.

We can understand their urgency. They’re living in a world that has, especially in the West, managed largely to emerge from the overhang of The Dark Ages. Yet the dominion they have imposed over their people depends on the tenuous preservation of a medieval mindset. Meanwhile, their darksome enclave is being continually and very annoyingly impinged upon by unwelcome flashes of modernity, such as the sometimes substantial content of the Internet, the frivolous baubles of the Hollywood road show, and the general conduct of free nations.

We assume that the puppeteers are, in fact, so pleased by the puppet’s performance that they have decided the he’s doing just fine with an illogical script.

Are they concerned about the most explosive consequences? To a degree, of course. But we also suspect that their excessively life-negating belief that they’ll all be in Paradise if they do manage to self-ignite the nation is exerting its risky subliminal influence.

Since distance makes the mullah’s feel more secure, what, we must ask, is the likelihood that they will provide a new script for the little guy and perhaps cancel his appearances until they do? Knowing the depth of their anxiety, we cannot be overly expectant.

So we turn to the people who finally put up and have agreed to maintain the show, the Iranian people. Since they have been under the dominion of darkness for decades, and are now inspirited to feel that their pride is confounded with the puppet’s blustery bravado, what hope is there that they will demand a new script or close the show?

Are we just telling ourselves a fairytale by hoping that someone in the terrifyingly mismanaged nation will take over the show before the provocative puppet provokes the audience so much they do bring the house down?

If the past is prologue, of course, we are. And what a sad outcome for ourselves, for Iranians in general, and even for the ill-fated puppet and his intensely paranoid puppeteers.

Tom Attea, creator of Newslaugh.com, has had six shows produced Off-Broadway and has written comedy for TV. Critics have called his writing ""delightfully funny" and "witty" with "good, genuine laughs."

Related Information of Interest:

Senior Ticked For Walking Too Slow; Others Try Roller Skates
An 82-year-old woman was recently issued a ticket in California for crossing a street too slowly. A police officer, who arrived on a motorcycle, told her she was obstructing traffic – and issued her a summons for $114.

Responding to the uproar caused by the curious traffic ticket, the municipality has begun to wonder if it should work out ways to help seniors cross streets without fear of incurring a penalty.

It is, of course, much too optimistic to hope that the municipality and the nation at large will speed to their rescue with such startling innovations as walk signs that last longer.

As a result, seniors, alarmed by the pricy citation, particularly those who are living on social security, are taking steps of their own, as they frantically search for ways to hurry along. Of course, electric wheelchairs have long been an option. But many simply don’t see themselves in the undeniably helpful items, at least, not until they encounter accidents due to the other resources they’ve been turning to, for instance, roller skates.

We also understand that bicycles have been selling briskly, particularly near retirement communities.

Of course, those who are fortunate enough to live with more able partners have the luxury of looking into other options, such as little red wagons and, in rural areas, wheelbarrows.

In a nutshell, seniors are turning to every possible mode of expedition they can think of, which generally means they’re equipped with the age-old facilitation of wheels.

While these alternative modes of transportation might offer suitable answers during balmier times, there is some concern about what to do when snow and ice cover the ground. Among the more daring sorts, there is talk of skis, while others are considering ice skates.

Until then, we can at least be glad that the dear recipient of the instigating ticket was not also issued points. Enough of those, and she’d have to be concerned about losing her walking license.

Tom Attea, creator of Newslaugh.com, has had six shows produced Off-Broadway and has written comedy for TV. Critics have called his writing ""delightfully funny" and "witty" with "good, genuine laughs."

Puppy Training
Puppies need to go to the bathroom after they play, chew, drink, eat or sleep. Start by putting them on a leash and tethering them to you. That way you can be aware of them when they start sniffing the ground (usually a cue the puppy needs to go potty). Pick them up and carry them outside. When they go potty, tell them "good potty" and give a cookie as a reward. Do not let your puppy off leash until they have finished going so they get into the habit of going potty, then playing. Many puppies will want to go outside just to play if you let them off leash first.

What if my puppy has an accident?
He will. Do not punish your puppy though. If you catch your puppy in the act then clap your hands or pick them up - this will make your puppy stop going. Get him outside FAST and let him finish up out there. Reward him for going outside. Clean up the mess with petzorb which will remove the odor completely.
Do NOT rub their nose in it, swat them with a newspaper, or isolate your puppy. It will only teach them to not go in front of you.

If your puppy is going frequently in the house you are probably not supervising them enough. Watch and learn their cues. If you feel you are watching and your puppy isn't getting it you can always have them checked for a Urinary tract infection.

If your puppy piddles when you greet them, this could be submissive urination. This would be a problem that is usually cured by ignoring the behavior and letting your puppy calm down before touching them when you first see them.

This article not only applies to puppies, but it is how you should train a dog of any age. If you can't supervise your dog, please put them in a crate to help curb accidents. Remember, dogs go where they go most!

This can be a trying time, so have patience and you will get through it.

About the Author

Amy Dunphy, CPDT is the owner and operator of the www.dogtrainersearch.comDog Trainer Search

More things I have learned
Growing old does have one benefit ... experience. So, I am continuing here to share my vast pool of knowledge. Of course my girlfriend can't resist telling me I need to clean the pool, but heres the list anyway.

1. If you do anything that gets your hands wet, soapy or dirty, your nose WILL itch.

2. When you give your email out anywhere on the internet, you will soon learn all you never wanted to know about body part enhancements.

3. A cat does not love you. It simply allows you to live with it IF you pet, feed and clean it's litter box on a regular basis. Otherwise, you're history.

4. Your Co-Workers, on the other hand, DO love you ... at least as long as you continue to give them good stuff to talk about when you aren't around.

5. You are NOT the master of your fate. Your mother is. And when you get married, your wife is.

6. Life is beautiful .. Life sucks ... life is beautiful ... life sucks. Repeat as necessary.

7. There is a chip in all cars that keeps them from starting unless you stroke the dashboard correctly and sincerely mean it when you say "Come on baby .. you can do it".

8. Computers will only work correctly when you DON'T need them to.

9. A kiss is just a kiss, and a smile is just a smile, but a baby is forever.

10. There is no such thing as a ghost that can haunt you ... except in your own mind.

11. Nothing is carved in stone ... other than what will happen if you forget your other half's birthday or anniversary.

12. No matter how hard you try, you will NEVER be able to fold laundry according to your spouse's instructions.

13. Anything you think will happen, won't... and anything you think won't happen, will.

14. Love is a two way street .. unless you are on the freeway and then there may be lots of exits before you get somewhere.

You can see more of Jan Michaels musings or various and sundry humorous items at: Articles Heaven Or, Free Heaven