Bin Laden Releases Another Audiotape: Hideout Too Dark For Video

Apparently, unable to contain his enthusiasm for bumming out the relatively nice and unsuspecting folks who make up much of the Western World, the misinformed medievalist has released another drearily threatening audiotape. Since the combined political, military, and intelligence resources of the civilized world cannot locate the potato head, we suggest the audiotape be taken as an opportunity to arrest him.

Here's how. Somebody buys the resourceful recluse a video camera and battery-powered lights. Since he long delighted to display his narcissistic self and give voice to his lamentable disjunction with informed thought, we assume that either he is not currently in possession of a video camera or that he is hunkered down in a hideout that is too dark to shoot anything but firearms.

It cannot be that he is afraid a video will reveal his location, because he always has the option of hanging the same kind of chintzy curtain behind him that his original second in medieval misguidance, Aman al-Zawahiri, uses when he comes out of the cave long enough for his eyes to adjust to the light to make an inflammatory video, with, we’ve noticed, production values that are on about the same level as a commercial for a discount chain that’s struggling to get foothold in a Mexican border town.

The only condition is, upon receipt of the equipment, OBL has to agree to make a video about directions to his hideout. To prolong his short-lived celebrity, he can even deliver it in installments. The media will be wild for it.

We do not know why he will not accept this opportunity for the worldwide display of his long-cramped ego, because, at last report, he only had four wives, and, if he believes his own deadly dumb preachments, after he goes to the paradise of his overheated and woefully misguided imagination, he can have twenty-seven virgins.

Of course, we must interject that any man with four wives who would contemplate having twenty-seven virgins as a good time has done very little reflection on what it’s really like to have four mates and has exceedingly little experience with virgins.

He needn’t be excessively concerned about these impossible complications, however, because, as linguistic analysis has sometime ago revealed, the Arabic word for virgin may also mean grape, depending on whether or not it occurs with a grave. It appears that, in the particular context in which he has applied it to assure the ready suicide of fellow but somewhat more imbecilic emanations from The Dark Ages, the meaning is 27 grapes. So the mad, mad Muslims slammed into our World Trade Center – which was, in fact, a mutual treasure of the human race, erected to facilitate worldwide economic competence and development – and incinerated nearly three thousand of our beloved, hard-working and comparatively normal people did it to reap imaginary rewards they could have picked up at a fruit market.

Meanwhile, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, his lackey who’s not an Iraqi, did his boss in absentia one better. Spiffily attired in black as a cool enemy of humanity, he rattled on with the same ill-informed drivel he and his mentor have both become wanted for, even by their own people.

Ah, what a toll we must pay for the deadly duo of ignorance and backwardness! Witness the unconscionable bombing in the Egyptian resort of Dahab, apparently timed to follow OBL’s latest audio-only pontification.

How do people who have no feeling for their fellow human beings expect anyone to do anything but excoriate and execute them? Somebody ought to tell them that fellow-feeling is actually the major sentiment that makes the human race worthy of its own continuance upon this blessed but blighted earth.

As for OBL, when will some real-life Indiana Jones find out where he is hiding, so we can finally give the misguided pest his overdue rest?

Tom Attea, creator of Newslaugh.com, has had six shows produced Off-Broadway and has written comedy for TV. Critics have called his writing ""delightfully funny" and "witty" with "good, genuine laughs."

Related Information of Interest:

It’s No Joke, Laughter is Awesome Medicine!
You go right ahead! Laugh and cackle to the point of losing your breath! Laughter has enormous amounts of health benefits ranging from affecting diabetes to lowering risks of heart attacks and everything in between!

In this modern world that we live in, full of medicinal remedies and medical breakthroughs, who would ever dream that something as simple as laughter could induce such amazing benefits to your health that could rival highly scientific compounds found in drugs of today?

The idea that laughter may have some serious benefits to our health may have been what spurned on many scientific research projects pertaining to the benefits of laughter on our bodies. Over the years, countless experiments have concluded with scientific data that laughter has one of the most astounding benefits for your health. We have heard about the positive impact animals and clowns have had on nursing home and terminally ill children. Scientists have taken that idea a step further. Experiments have been conducted on such things as type II Diabetes which is an increasing problem for many Americans today. A study done in Japan at the Foundation for Advancement of International Science, Bio-Laboratory, found that laughter helps regulate gene expression to help control type II Diabetes. This is a huge discovery. This means that laughter has such a homeopathic effect on even the gene expression on our DNA that perhaps if we were a happier sort the gene that causes type II Diabetes may possibly never be expressed. Granted, it will likely not take the place of insulin therapy, but it may be key in helping to prevent the disease.

Studies also suggest that laughter positively affects rheumatoid arthritis by affecting the level of the condition as well as psychological benefits in controlling stress and stress related conditions. Perhaps the biggest discovery, published by S. Karger AG, Basel, is that laughter is now being proven to alleviate some of the lasting effects of heart attacks such as less medication and fewer repeat attacks with humor therapy of just thirty minutes per day. Can you imagine the impact?

Go ahead and laugh. Point and giggle, do it with pride and do it for your health. You may be preventing Diabetes when you cackle aloud. You could be keeping yourself from having a heart attack or stroke when you belly laugh to the point of tears. It’s ok! It will be contagious and soon everyone around you will be laughing too. Life can sometimes be serious and tiring, but if you look around and can draw some laughter out of what may seem mundane you could possibly be helping your health. Learn a new joke and tell it to everyone you know no matter if you are a good joke teller or not! Join a Laughter Yoga class at your local ‘Y’ even! Go ahead, laugh! Your health can truly depend on it!

This article was written by Chad Ferguson of www.funnies.com/. Funnies.com is THE place to go for thousands of funny jokes, pictures, greeting cards and more. Laugh it up! Reproductions of this article are encouraged but must include a link back to www.funnies.com/

Russia Defends Iranian Nuke Program; Considers Position Good Customer Service
While the civilized world has reacted with horror at Iran’s plan to harness the energy of the atom, as in bombs away, Russia has steadfastly defended the menacing mullahdom’s nuclear ambitions.

At first, any person distinguished for responsible behavior is taken back by such apparently reckless advocacy, not only because it seems wildly risky, if not outright self-destructive, but also because one does not expect it from people who have decided to present themselves as such reformed friends of humanity and trustworthy politicos that they dress in spiffy garb, instead of in their former universal drab.

We, however, turn to the hard-learned observation that, if anybody’s behavior doesn’t’ seem to make sense, you probably just don’t understand what his or her goals are.

Seen this way, the gremlin in the Kremlin is as obvious as the red power tie we often see dangling from Vladimir Putin's neck. Iran buys weapons from Russia and will now buy enriched uranium, too, and Russia is just servicing the customer.

As V. P., who brought order to Russia by ordering his Russian cohorts around, said, “Once when I was in the KGB and didn’t have a lot to do, I read about the American department store tycoon, John Wanamaker, who once told a clerk, ‘When a customer comes in, forget about me.’ So when Iran comes up, I forget about everything but putting the customer first. It seems like the capitalist thing to do, and in the modern Russian economy, I think there’s at least room for that much free enterprise.”

One would think that there would be some awareness of the geographical limits of his enthusiasm. After all, Russia is a lot closer to Iran than we are. There are also other inescapable aspects of the client relationship that ought to be considered, among them that Vladimir and his gangsta-rich associates look as much like infidels to the Iranians currently steering their ship of state toward the reefs of war as we do.

What Lenin once said about capitalists apparently also applies to reformed communists: they would sell you the rope to hang them with.

Tom Attea, creator of Newslaugh.com, has had six shows produced Off-Broadway and has written comedy for TV. Critics have called his writing ""delightfully funny" and "witty" with "good, genuine laughs."

Celebrity Babies – Don't Hide Them, Parents!
Hollywood is full of paparazzi that want to get that perfect picture of a celebrity, so they can sell it to the media and make a lot of money. They will go to almost any length to achieve their goal. Most of the time celebrities are trying to stop the paparazzi from taking their picture, and they get mad when they are followed. Not only do the paparazzi want pictures of celebrities, but they also want pictures of their babies.

I can understand, though, a celebrity wanting to have a private life, and not be bothered all of the time. However they are celebrities, so they should expect a certain amount of intrusion on their private lives. The worst thing a celebrity can do is to try to keep the paparazzi away from seeing their babies.

The reason I believe it is not a good idea for celebrities to keep the paparazzi away from their babies is it just prolongs the amount of time you have to work to keep them away. If a celebrity would just set up a picture shoot for some of the paparazzi to take pictures of their baby, then it would be over with. Also this assures that the picture of your baby is flattering, and you can be proud of that picture for the rest of your child’s life. However some celebrities take great pains to keep the paparazzi away from their babies, by keeping them covered up, staying at home, or only going places where the security is too tight for the paparazzi to get a glimpse of their baby. The biggest problem with this is that it is a burden on the parents as well as their baby. Why run around secretly for months, when you can just spend one afternoon with a group of paparazzi and be done with it? Your baby is already going to have a different life, because they are a celebrities’ baby, but you could make it easier on them if you would just get the whole picture thing out of the way early on.

Visit www.celebrityshack.com/ for Hollywood and Bollywood Celebrity Photos and Videos.

Is Photography School Your Dream?
Many dream of photography school. It is an art and a passion that few people can take and make use of. But, those that do, really can amaze the world with what they can capture on a single roll of film. But, how can you find the right school to get into? Having the right photography school on your resume really can make a bit of difference. So, take your time in choosing the right school for your choice. Chances are, you’ll have many options to consider when you choose correctly.

Here are some things to consider about the photography school that you will choose:

• Does the school provide you the best possible plan of study? It needs to offer you what you want to learn now and in the future. This will help determine how well you do in the end.

• You will need to consider the format of the school as well. If you are to take photography school lessons through the college, will you be required to get a degree or will you simply take classes to gain knowledge without a degree? This is up to you, but it is also up to the school to let you in as well.

• You also need to feel comfortable with the school. This is important because in art, you need the freedom to make choices. While hard and difficult, you will want to have the freedom to do as you need to.

• You’ll want to find the photography school that offers the right scholarships and financial aid as well. Not all of us can afford the highest levels of education, but when you choose wisely and with good financial intentions, you can choose the right photography school.

Photography school is waiting for you. Are you ready to get started?

For more information please see www.photography-school-info.co.uk