Bin Laden Releases Another Audiotape: Hideout Too Dark For Video

Apparently, unable to contain his enthusiasm for bumming out the relatively nice and unsuspecting folks who make up much of the Western World, the misinformed medievalist has released another drearily threatening audiotape. Since the combined political, military, and intelligence resources of the civilized world cannot locate the potato head, we suggest the audiotape be taken as an opportunity to arrest him.

Here's how. Somebody buys the resourceful recluse a video camera and battery-powered lights. Since he long delighted to display his narcissistic self and give voice to his lamentable disjunction with informed thought, we assume that either he is not currently in possession of a video camera or that he is hunkered down in a hideout that is too dark to shoot anything but firearms.

It cannot be that he is afraid a video will reveal his location, because he always has the option of hanging the same kind of chintzy curtain behind him that his original second in medieval misguidance, Aman al-Zawahiri, uses when he comes out of the cave long enough for his eyes to adjust to the light to make an inflammatory video, with, we’ve noticed, production values that are on about the same level as a commercial for a discount chain that’s struggling to get foothold in a Mexican border town.

The only condition is, upon receipt of the equipment, OBL has to agree to make a video about directions to his hideout. To prolong his short-lived celebrity, he can even deliver it in installments. The media will be wild for it.

We do not know why he will not accept this opportunity for the worldwide display of his long-cramped ego, because, at last report, he only had four wives, and, if he believes his own deadly dumb preachments, after he goes to the paradise of his overheated and woefully misguided imagination, he can have twenty-seven virgins.

Of course, we must interject that any man with four wives who would contemplate having twenty-seven virgins as a good time has done very little reflection on what it’s really like to have four mates and has exceedingly little experience with virgins.

He needn’t be excessively concerned about these impossible complications, however, because, as linguistic analysis has sometime ago revealed, the Arabic word for virgin may also mean grape, depending on whether or not it occurs with a grave. It appears that, in the particular context in which he has applied it to assure the ready suicide of fellow but somewhat more imbecilic emanations from The Dark Ages, the meaning is 27 grapes. So the mad, mad Muslims slammed into our World Trade Center – which was, in fact, a mutual treasure of the human race, erected to facilitate worldwide economic competence and development – and incinerated nearly three thousand of our beloved, hard-working and comparatively normal people did it to reap imaginary rewards they could have picked up at a fruit market.

Meanwhile, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, his lackey who’s not an Iraqi, did his boss in absentia one better. Spiffily attired in black as a cool enemy of humanity, he rattled on with the same ill-informed drivel he and his mentor have both become wanted for, even by their own people.

Ah, what a toll we must pay for the deadly duo of ignorance and backwardness! Witness the unconscionable bombing in the Egyptian resort of Dahab, apparently timed to follow OBL’s latest audio-only pontification.

How do people who have no feeling for their fellow human beings expect anyone to do anything but excoriate and execute them? Somebody ought to tell them that fellow-feeling is actually the major sentiment that makes the human race worthy of its own continuance upon this blessed but blighted earth.

As for OBL, when will some real-life Indiana Jones find out where he is hiding, so we can finally give the misguided pest his overdue rest?

Tom Attea, creator of Newslaugh.com, has had six shows produced Off-Broadway and has written comedy for TV. Critics have called his writing ""delightfully funny" and "witty" with "good, genuine laughs."

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The Easy Way to Define Poetry...
Poetry is a form of expression. Whether it is spoken or written, it is the manifestation of thoughts, feelings, and intellect. It is a way of communicating. With poetry one can effectively communicate opinion, desire, ideas, cleverness, and most of all state of mind. Although poetry is a supreme form of expression, it is not the most efficient form of expression. It is subject to the reader's or listener's interpretation. A poet may want to express certain notions but the interpretive elements of poetry can sometimes keep the meaning of a poem from being clearly articulated. We all see and feel things differently.

Most poets want to evoke emotion in the reader or listener. They'll often use rhythm and rhyme with a swarm of other literary devices to create such an effect. Poetry is like music! Actually, one could reason that poetry is music. It is the art of arranging sound to create a thought-provoking effect.

Therefore, poetry is also defined as literature that focuses on the aesthetic beauty of words and sound. It is artistic writing in metrical form. It takes skill and technique to produce this art-an art that seems to define itself as its definitions come across as being somewhat poetic.

Poetry is the science of versification. It is creative expression at its finest, which is why sharing, writing, or reciting poetry can be a deeply personal experience. It is truly an art form.

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Tripods: Staying Still For The Perfect Photo
When it comes to buying a tripod there are a few things that need to be looked at and checked out. All tripods will come with a replaceable head or a fixed head. Some of the tripods on the bit more expensive side will come with a replaceable head that allows the photographer to select the size of the head that will fit your camera. Some of the tripods that are great for amateurs come with a fixed head and in compact style for easier use and carrying ability. Most tripods that have the fixed heads will come with the tilt and pan handles.

Tilt and pan heads have two different handles attached to them from the sides or bottom. One is used to move the camera up and down and the other is used for the side-to-side direction. These types of heads are vital to the movie industry and anyone wanting to take mpegs with a digital camera. The ball and socket heads work well with still photography and it is needed for a firm locking and an easy give for the use of one or more camera that may need to be changed during photo shoots.One of the most popular types of tripods are tabletop or mini tripods.

It is quite simple to mount a camera on to a tripod; all you need to do is screw the camera on it. Yes, it really is that simple! Tripods are used to keep your camera steady and extremely still. In the photography world there is an unwritten rule of thumb on when one should be used, 1/focal length s. For an example if you have a 200 mm lens, the slowest speed that you should use without a tripod is 1/200 s. Anything over that your camera should be mounted on a tripod for a more clear and steady picture.

Albreht Moy has many photographs for sale at his website.

Getting Into Your Desired Job Position
When we look for a job, we wanted to be working in the field we specialize or plainly have an interest with so we can utilize our knowledge and talent. Some of us successfully got what they want while others looked for different fieldwork due to different circumstances.

In these days, it is hard to look for a job. Employers look for an edge that makes you different from the rest. Moreover, the edge that employers look for is experience. When applying for a job that you desire you must at least have the experience or have knowledge on the position you are applying. However, when an employer sees that you have the potential, they will provide a free training for the position we applied.

How employers knew who would fit for the position? The answer really depends on us applicantsï¿½ performance during the application. When we pass our resume either online or walk-in, the employer must get a good impression from the resume that we submitted. What we wrote in the resume is what exactly we can offer to the company, so be careful not to be too arrogant in making a resume, be precise, limit yourself on what you know. Never put anything in the resume that we actually do not know.

When an employer likes what he sees in your resume immediately he will ask for an interview, now during the interview it is ok to be confident but not too much. Just be yourself, if you do not know the answer to his question just politely say you do not have any idea. Just make it a point that the employer sees in you the interest in the position you are applying, and it is enough for the employer to hire you.

From the job given to you, we must learn from it, not just work it. Learn how to enrich your knowledge. Never stop, always aim higher, take it gradually to the position you really wanted to achieve.

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Profiting With Affiliate Programs
One of the main reasons more people are not making money on the Internet is that they don't have a product or service they can market. Most people find it too difficult to develop a product, promote it with a website, and create a marketing plan to get it front of the right people. Most do not have the knowledge or expertise to even get started and are frustrated before they even begin. Does this sound like you? It was for me until I discovered affiliate programs.

Affiliate programs work like a joint venture where you partner with someone who has already developed a product, created a marketing plan and are promoting it with a website. Most affiliate programs will provide you with a product you can market, free website promotion tools, and free training to show you how to promote the program. You drive traffic to the website and they will process and fill the order, handle customer service, collect payments and handle returns. You keep as much as 50% of the profits for your efforts. It's a great way to start earning money right away!

Where can you find a good affiliate program? You will find thousands of opportunities using an internet search under "affiliate programs". Many of the websites you are visiting now may already have an excellent affiliate program established. You can join it and make money in an area that you enjoy or already have expertise in. The best site I have found for affiliate programs is clickbank.com. This site lists hundreds of successful affiliate programs people are using to make money with today.

Now I am going to let you in on a secret that can explode your affiliate marketing profits. Capture the email addresses of those interested in the affiliate program you are trying to promote. Why? You will develop your own opt in mailing list that you can send repeated emails to capture additional sales. You can also market other products and services to this list once it is developed. You will create an asset that can be used over and over again, multiplying your online income!

Promoting affiliate programs is an excellent way to start earning money on-line right away. It is also a great way to break into new markets. If you already have a large email list to market to, you can send out an endorsement email and generate sales within minutes. The possibilities are endless. Check out affiliate programs today!

To your success!
Steve Scoresby

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