Bathroom Palacial

I had to play a joke on the maid at a hotel where I was staying. You know that little paper wrapper they place over the toilet seat, that thin paper band that is supposed to convince you that the facility is clean. You normally take the paper band off and throw it away when you go to use the john. Instead, I saved mine and each morning before leaving the room slipped it back on the toilet seat, giving the impression I never used it.

After day five of this I could only imagine the maid’s reaction.

Staring, she said, “What are you, some kind of a lizard?”

To me, bathrooms are like Greek temples, made of stone and cool marble, reassuring, serene, little worlds of their own, a place of refuge, shut away from the world and its problems.

Such places thus earn the more dignified name of “rest room.”

For example, if you hate your dead-end job, and you share a communal bathroom down the hall with the employees of other companies in the building, chances are you’ll spend more time here than you should, away from a threatening, dishonest boss, ringing phones and mountains of paperwork.

I admit I’m selfish. When I use the communal john, I want it all to myself---alone.

I also don’t want my imitation Greek temple sullied. Therefore, I never perform major bodily functions here (the only time I ever did I was sick).

There’s this guy. Every morning at 8:45 a.m. he’s seated on the throne. Now, I fully know this is not a common subject for a column, and I don’t want you to think I’m strange. But I’m truly curious about this guy, perplexed, baffled, whatever.

Since it’s only 8:45 in the morning, he can’t have been at work very long, not much more than an hour. Why can’t he hold it longer? Why can’t he do his disgusting business at home before he comes to work?

What does he do, process food like a goose?

Now, we all drink coffee, which I admit goes through you pretty fast. So I’m not against use of the john for small calls of nature. But I’m thinking of posting a sign, which reads, “This Facility Used for Minimal Body Functions Only.”

Don’t foul my Greek temple with your digesting bowels.

More bathroom palacial.

Bathrooms like restaurants should be rated in travel books as to how good they are. For instance, we’ve all seen gas station bathrooms in truck stops on Labor Day where the unflushed facility hasn’t been cleaned and the globs of stuff in there are so putrid you think they may reach out and grab you.

Such places assign us lower on the scale of evolution.

Disgusting!

Then there are bathrooms like the one I saw at Pebble Beach Resort. The heart soars. You could eat off the floor. Little, moist cloth towels hanging from silver trays for cleaning your hands. Embossed toilet paper. Gleaming brass and silver fixtures.

A dream come true.

I was in tears.

© Copyright 2004 by SammonSays.com

John Sammon is the author of two books and writes a weekly humor column you may access at Sammonsays.com.

Related Information of Interest:

Guitar Lessons - Guitar Vibrato
Playing a guitar without vibrato is like eating Mexican food without salsa. Vibrato is one of the most definitive techniques in defining your musical style, your own personal unique sound. No two players have the same vibrato sound. Some play slow and wide while others play narrow and fast, and that’s the beauty behind spending a lot of time learning different vibrato techniques. It’s like eating different salsa’s every time you go to your favorite taco stand. Enough talk about food, lets talk technique.

Vibrato is sometimes confused with tremolo. Basically it is just a technique of vibrating the string sharp and flat around a root note. For example if you are playing the 7th fret on the 3rd string with your 3rd finger on your fret hand you can just push the note up slightly and them pull it down slightly. Do this in quick succession so the over riding effect is a “wobbly” tone around the root note you are playing. Use your hand, wrist, and arm to make the movements. Never just wiggle a finger. Some people use a technique of pulling the string down towards the floor and then releasing back up.

Try this in a variety of speeds and levels of bending during your vibrato. The trick is to be consistent and smooth with your motion. If you are playing a slow blues riff then you may want to slow down and make a wide circular motion with the string, or if you are playing a fast rock lick you may just ad a fast narrow vibrato to accent the final note in a run.

It is possible to add vibrato using any finger you play with, but it is most commonly done with the first and third finger on the fret hand. Using your first finger is a bit trickier. I usually use my first finger for fast vibratos similar to BB Kings style. I will literally lift my other finger far off the fret board, press down and just “vibrate” the string as fast and as open as possible. That’s funny the work vibrato is a lot like vibrate, because that’s actually what you are doing vibrating the string.

When you combine vibrato with string bending, harmonics and legato techniques you begin to discover the musician inside of you. Playing guitar is about discovering your inner flow of creativity and having the techniques to be able to express them. Vibrato is one of the more personal and effective techniques. As with all aspect of playing guitar you need to experiment with these techniques, and most of all have fun!

Bill McRea is the publisher of www.guitarwarehouse.com and www.kansasfans.com. Bill has been an owner of a successful guitar retailer and a guitar teacher.

Is Photography School Your Dream?
Many dream of photography school. It is an art and a passion that few people can take and make use of. But, those that do, really can amaze the world with what they can capture on a single roll of film. But, how can you find the right school to get into? Having the right photography school on your resume really can make a bit of difference. So, take your time in choosing the right school for your choice. Chances are, you’ll have many options to consider when you choose correctly.

Here are some things to consider about the photography school that you will choose:

• Does the school provide you the best possible plan of study? It needs to offer you what you want to learn now and in the future. This will help determine how well you do in the end.

• You will need to consider the format of the school as well. If you are to take photography school lessons through the college, will you be required to get a degree or will you simply take classes to gain knowledge without a degree? This is up to you, but it is also up to the school to let you in as well.

• You also need to feel comfortable with the school. This is important because in art, you need the freedom to make choices. While hard and difficult, you will want to have the freedom to do as you need to.

• You’ll want to find the photography school that offers the right scholarships and financial aid as well. Not all of us can afford the highest levels of education, but when you choose wisely and with good financial intentions, you can choose the right photography school.

Photography school is waiting for you. Are you ready to get started?

For more information please see www.photography-school-info.co.uk

The Best Way To Save Money On Advertising - Target Locally
Over the years I have discovered exactly what derails an ad. More often than not, when an ad fails to produce results, the problem isn't with the ad. The problem is with WHO the ad reaches.

Before you start blaming lack of response on your ad, stop a moment to consider who it is TARGETED to.

Let's take a moment to look at Internet advertising. First off, let me say I dearly love advertising on the Net. The advertising rates for search engines and ezines are far, far lower than advertising your business on traditional media like TV or newspapers. For what one TV commercial would cost, I can advertise a business extensively for weeks, even months.

But, as I'm sure you've realized by now, the Internet is no magic advertising medium. Just as often as with anywhere else, your ad can pull less than expected response. The problem is with lack of targeting.

If most or all of your customers live in the geographical area of your store, using a search engine to reach people all over the world doesn't make much sense. You can consider your money wasted when somebody who will NEVER walk into your store reads your ad.

The solution is to advertise on sites or ezines that reach YOUR customers at a very high rate. This could be a local site that provides sports scores for dozens of local sports teams. Or a site that lists a great many local building contractors. Very specific information needed by people in YOUR area will draw just the kind of local crowd you can capitalize on.

We're seeing a sudden rise of local pay-per-click search engines. These use the same popular technology as Google and Overture, but limit their reach to businesses in a particular city, state, or region.

Often these local pay-per-click sites have very low rates, a little as one cent per click. Many offer as many as 1,000 free clicks to any business that signs up.

Be sure to check if the pay-per-click site has plenty of businesses listed in their database. An empty site won't attract many visitors and you may not reach enough audience to have any effect on your sales. Also watch for a pay-per-click that is promoting in your area. If they are visible to you, they are probably getting the attention of lots of your customers.

Linda Stevens is CEO of MyCalgaryClicks.com, the local Pay-Per-Click city search directory for Calgary, AB Canada. Linda believes in following her own advice and is offering $10 in free bidding cash to any site that signs up to advertise. Reach Linda at support@mycalgaryclicks.com

Traditional Jamaican Recipes & Food
The flavors of Jamaica are the product of the island's history combined with a verdant, lush climate. The Spanish, British, African and East Indian have all had an influence over what is today a unique island cuisine made colorful by the many tropical fruits that thrive here.

The waters off Jamaica have always teemed with fish and seafood is the primary protein source for islanders. Snapper, grouper, sea bass and other reef a deep sea fish are caught daily by the many fishermen whose boats line the beaches. Spiny lobster, shrimp and freshwater crustaceans are readily available and cooked usually in a thick sauce. Chicken and goats are well suited to the small mountainous island and are kept by many families but cattle are rare and beef is not the predominant meat.

Many of Jamaica's fruits, including pineapple, mango, banana and avocado were brought to the region by slave traders and plantation owners experimenting with crops. What were once sugar cane fields are now being used to grow fruits and ackee for export and domestic use.

Few other cuisines mix such a range of spices and tastes - sweet, hot and savory - as Jamaican cooking. Jamaican food wouldn't be the same without the spices, seasonings and colors from: Allspice, the pimento berry.

Among many of the spices grown in Jamaica are nutmeg, ginger, thyme, scotch bonnet peppers, which are integral distinct flavors of Jamaican cooking. The pungent thyme grows rampantly on the island and is found in the majority of Jamaican foods.

Favourite Jamaican foods are those for coconut cake, rum punch & beef jerky recipies.

Real Jamaican food, when cooked with feeling, is a soul-satisfying experience.

For further tips and ideas for cooking great and traditional food from around the world, visit rel="nofollow">a href="http://www.worldwide-recipes.com/jamaican-recipes.html" target="_blank">Jamaican Recipes

This article was submitted by Jen Carter, owner of the World Recipes website. Jen has travelled around the world and enjoys collecting and sharing recipes from other countries.